[42]

it came across like you were mad. holding in your breath with everything you had until your face began to turn red. "this is why i turn and walk away from everything."
What ever she see's is only half of what i am, her middle child, her daughter. And that's the only side she'll ever know.

the weather was beautiful today.

who the hell is teaching? I'm not learning my lesson.

I'm pretty emotionally exahausted. I think I've reached a new point in my life though. For the past couple years I have been fretting about, sitting through therapists, and wondering why all this happened to us.

And I think I'm finally done.

I moved to Utah to have a change in my life. To get away from the ghosts and familiarity of Oregon.

And no matter how much I sit around and think about my Dad and the way he used to joke, what books he used to read, and the conversations we had, he's never coming back. I've pretty much been accepting this but at least once a day I'm reminded, I think I'll have to live with that for quite a while longer. I just miss him so god damn much. I often have thoughts about how getting to know him as an adult would have been like. Not so much father daughter but as adults. I don't know if that's strange, but it makes me sad to know it will never happen.

But for now I'm done. I'm done worrying about her and missing him so much it makes me sick. I'm just....done.

familiar faces and older ghosts.

Yeah, Utah was the right choice.