life handbook

I'm under a little to much stress lately, mostly because I'm an idiot. I need to figure things out. I know I sound really cynical but I don't really care right now. I really need God, I'm really getting into the funk of really not being okay. The only person I actually want to talk to right now is in Idaho. In reality I'm not even good enough for him. I'm not what is expected of me and I never will be and I love him so much. And I'm sorry if this isn't understood but I'm really not okay but there are no blessing's for Christine. She's not good enough for them and how selfish it is of me to ask God for help. If I'm not going to pray when the sunshines I don't deserve to when it rains. If I could physically kick myself in the head I would. Hard.