self cleaing potatos

Lesli gave us simple instructions...she said please turn on the broiler at 6:20 so we can all eat when they get home from evening mass.
So Mark and I set an alarm so we won't forget and continue to watch the Alabama Colorado bowl.
As directed we get up and together push the broiler button so the potatoes will be golden and beautiful when they get home.
20 minutes later a strange aroma fills the house and the oven will not open.
Instead of "Top Broiler" we pressed, and by WE I mean HE pushed "Self Clean."

So now the potatoes and ribs are ruined...the oven won't open...there is a stench in our house and in 30 minutes we are going to have one mad Lesli on our hands.


Oops.

Chili's anyone?

dogs don't purr

So I made a promise to myself just now that I will not bitch about my jobs in this entry. This is all part of my realization that a new year is upon us. Knocking on our doors, peeking in our windows, annoyingly ringing the doorbell to the beat of funky town. So I find it only necessary to think of some personal resolutions, but not just any resolutions...not like last years, or even the year before that. Resolutions that actually mean something. As you can probably tell already I have been racking my brain with perspectives.

I decided a good step to take before making a commitment in 2008 is to take a glance into 2007 and see what made me irritated, sad, depressed, uncomfortable and base my resolutions on them. I came up with...

1. mixed emotions about moving to utah
2. jesus
3. brad
4. mom
5. work
6. school.
7. humanity

Those were the top 7 at least. So I am not completely down with the process of formal resolutions but they are going to be something to the tune of...

1. weigh the pro's and con's of Utah. (mostly the pro's to be optomistically driven) Realize Oregon will never cease to exsist, but someday I will. So live my little life to the fullest and don't limit myself to one place, even Utah.
2. be more openminded. Listen to my thought process instead of analyzing. Try to feel faith instead of expect a package on my doorstep with a return address of Jesus.
3. don't base this relationship on what ifs, if he's the one, he's the one. Whatever happens will happen.
4. mom , call her more. Let her know that even though I moved 700 miles away that I still love her and think of her everyday despite the trials we have faced together in our lives, I would never just desert her.
5. work, have a postive outlook on work. I'm a hypocritical critic when it comes to employment and negativity. Stop whining and smile more.
6. school, even with the negatives about this subject that has recently been broughten up realize I have my entire life ahead of me. Even if it takes longer than expected, school will treat me well, and one day I will be out of college and with a family.
7. try to make that percentage in lack-of-faith-in-humanity grow lower and lower. Random acts of kindess, even though they are not appreciated are worth the effort. Pray for people and wish them the best in life even if they are my worst enemy.

Something like that.

screw my life

Alright. Life sucks.

Shall we make a damn chart? Bad news first?

Negatives:
-Brad's gone to oregon for many months.
-I crashed my damn car.
-said damn car is being stupid.
-for the last 3 days I have worked 13 hours everyday.
-I'm not done christmas shopping.

So Brad left today for who knows how long. I miss him, I love him, and I feel an insane urge of depression kicking in for him not being here. My car and a miada collided via ice and hill. For the past couple days I have worked 13 hours A DAY. Everyday...13 damn hours. Which has resulted in me being exhausted, in serious pain, and grumpy as hell. I seriously hate people and have lost all patience with the world. My lack of faith in humanity as risen to an all time high of 95.6%. I still have shopping to do but everytime I go into the store I go through a fit of clausterphobia. I know I'm not smiling so people are afraid to talk to me. And obviously through out this week it built up in my system because today during my 10 minute break at anchorblue, after having an emotional conversation with my mother, I had a frikin mental breakdown. Scared the hell out of my boss, I know that much. She was supportive though, even though I didn't want or really even need support. Which brings me to the point of actually missing oregon. I miss my dad so damn much. I think about him all the time yet I can't even bring myself to face the facts. Because this always happens, he had such a miserable life. Yes, it sucks shit happened. Being completely helpless is the worse feeling in the world. Especially when it comes to taking care of someone you care about. The conversation today was full of misery on steroids. I miss my dad and i worry about my mom. So I ended up calling my sister and throwing everything at her face in which I had boxted up. Brad, Utah, Oregon, Work, School, Dad, Mom, Her. And after a half our of sobbing I finally felt a little better. I love my sister.

On a bit of an upside (and I say that lightly at the moment because my cynisism is much to high to be happy.) I recieved a promise ring from Braden. Which is getting me through my day. But everytime I look down at it I'm reminded of how he isn't here...and it's so iffy what might happen to us right now. And it kills...so that's a mixture of emotion. Though it is the most beautiful, most meaningful thing I think I own.

Well I still have 5 more hours to work, and I have to go get ready.




I think I'll go find a god to pray to.

a thousand words

"I read once that the ancient Egyptians
had fifty words for sand
& the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow.
I wish I had a thousand words for love,
but all that comes to mind is the way
you move against me while you sleep
& there are no words for that."
- Brian Andreas

So the past couples of days have been busy, strange, and wonderous.

The only thing I can really remember about Saturday, besides working my arse off, and hanging out with E and Dark, would be that night. I had the strangest dream. I was at a wedding reception at my old high school. Except KU was green and was shaped like an arabian castle...like Aladdin. It was weird. And I was in this huge, poofy, red dress. Half way through I figured out it was my wedding reception, except I couldn't find the groom anywhere. (Symbolic?) I could here is voice but couldn't find him. The voice was recognized though. Anyway, all my old friends from high school were there. And most of them told me they were pregnant.
It was really out there.

Sunday I only had to work four hours so for the rest of the day I did christmas shopping, eating, and going out with the fam to see the lights out at Willard. It was pretty.
I still don't like christmas.

md's line

Okay it's official. I'm going to die. I will miss you all very terribly.

I blame Christmas and Anaheim. Bastards. So I'm working around 65 hours this week. I have no time to Christmas shop (damn my procrastination). Braden is coming down and I will hardly get to see the love of my life. I feel like I don't have time to sit down with my family aaand I've had it about up to here with gift wrapping denim.

Seriously the only thing that got me through this entire day was an irish frap, and bayer asprin. Also, scream therapy into a steering wheel.

I have to put Cynical Christine away for just one minute though. I did have a nice lunch break from Anchorblue. Which consisted of discusting food court goodies. While in Mcdonalds line in search of a McSnaker I had a conversation with Santa Clause. Yup, never saw that one coming in my life. The jolly man happened to be taking his lunch break from down stairs lap-sitting the same time I was taking mine. We had a nice chat about the holidays. He said it was rewarding and asked if anchorblue was busy when he noticed my name tag. He smiled a lot and said his family from Conneticut was coming down when I told him much of mine lived in Oregon. I was glad to find out that even far from childs eyes and ears he still had Christmas spirit. And everytime a kid would walk by in complete awe he would break from our conversation to bend down and tell them to be good. It, in so many damn ways, made me feel like a complete bitch, but really warm and snuzzly inside at the exact same time. Even though I know the man must be some retired electrician or something of the sort, it was kind of like my own personal connection with "Santa." It was funny because the whole time I called him Santa and it didn't phase me. Before he left he handed me a candy cane and told me to have a good day.


He ordered a double-bacon cheesburger with a large pepsi.

when you dream, dream big, because it may come true.

Ah these bittersweet, melancholy feelings are a common theme with me lately.
But, I don't mind it.
So lets not stop the train yet.

Isn't Deja vu a strange feeling? I keep having the same one today. About a year ago when my father was in the hospital I was sitting in a round window on the ICU waiting room wishing the world would stop. As if to fit my dismal mood it was even raining at the time. I remember this man kept paseing the room. I didn't really make anything of it, didn't really give a shit who he was or why he was there. I assumed he could care less about me either. I don't know how long I sat with my head on the window, nor do I remember how many tears I cried or if I was even to exhausted to cry. I do remember, however, the man walked up to me and glanced at me for a few awkward seconds before saying, "God's crying." In a surprisingly blunt tone, not meaningful...not really even spiritual, almost like anger. And he went back to his paseing.

I wonder how that man is now. I hope he is okay.

I had a conversation with a man today. This burly, seemingly unsensitive man. It made me wonder if I come across as a wandering soul. I guess everyone is when they are 19. Trying to find your place in the world. Also makes me wonder if he somehow understands and went through similiar things when he was younger. Either way it was meaningful and appreciated. It made me think.

Maybe I need to start random acts of kindness.

I seriously don't know what was with yesterday. Maybe I was stoned on Claritin-D, or maybe it was Journey's "Don't stop believing" blaring much to loudly on my car stereo. I just felt good, and as soon as the day starting slipping downward I got slipped a message. Little things are to often taken for granted.

I think my faith in the human race has raised a tiny bit more. At least for now I'll put cynical christine on the back burner.

Cheers.

rain rain rain

It has been raining for two days straight now. I seriously don't think it has stopped once. Practically all the snow has melted. Which is kind of sad, but only kind of.

Okay so here's a funny story: 18 days till Christmas. Ha. When the hell did that happen? I'm to lazy to shop. I've gotten some friends' stuff, my little brother's gifts, and half my sister's present. I still have half a family to do. Arg. I work in a mall, therefor I hate going to malls. Not to mention the recent Omaha shooting. Some psycho takes down 8 people before himself in a mall. See what the holidays does to people? I've decided we at anchorblue should take precautions, should, you know be prepared if anything happens to us at the mall. Like maybe practice taking a bullet for our friend Christine here. Anyway, the point is I have to shop. I guess I'll do that when I have a day off, oh wait...that's never. Merry Christmas.

So I got called into work for a whopping hour because the roof was leaking and utter madness was insuing around the mall. Which would have been bad if it wasn't for my fellow work assosiate. I love him. He made my day cheery. So got off, went through panda express to get some pot-stickers, stopped by MacCools to chat with boss man, and here I am at home. All alone, listening to the musical stylings of Bonnie McKee. With my yummy pot-stickers came a deeeelectable fortune cookie. Which says...

"You will find happiness in mind and heart"

I'm at the point in my life where I take fortune cookies more serious then they should ever be taken. Hopefully this one is right.

I really just want the holidays to be over. They are stressing me out and depressing me. I'm in day two of my left eye-lid twitching. Which, by the way, is freakin me out. They are making me lonely. They are making me grumpy, and they are making me sad.

I need some coffee.

merry effing christmas

So it's 9:00 pm here in Utah. For once I'm not blogging nonsense at an ungodly hour. I'm blogging nonsense at a godly hour. Yay for me.

So today was an interesting day. I had a day off. Hooray for me! It was unexpected and amazing. I decided that I would be productive, however, and help my dear uncle hang christmas lights on the outside of the house.

Firsty, nothing about hanging christmas lights in simple. Secondly, who the hell thought of this shit? "Oh it's Christ's birth! Our houses should glow! There shall be light up reindeer and a decorative wreath!" I'm sure the lights have some kind of symbolic meaning that I just ruined in some way. So we began to put up the decor having previously tested to see if it all indeed would light up and make our culvisack merry. Well folks, previously tested don't mean shit.
As soon as we had everything up and running, of course OF COURSE, as soon as the lights began to twinkle and shine, but of freakin course half of the garage is the universe's black hole. Nothing, not even a shimmer.

My uncle, being the buddhist, enviormentally friendly, al gore-loving man he is refused to put up last years lights because they were not LED and would ultimately result in the explosion of our ozone layer. So naturally to save mankind we headed to Home Depot to rescue the planet. No luck. No 31.5 ft of multi-color LED 2 inch bulbs anywhere.
Walmart? Uh huh.
Lowes? Negative.
Rite aid? Nope (but there was a hillarious dancing Hillary Clinton doll that sang "My country tis of thee" that entertained us for 3 glorious minutes.)
Target? Nunka.

Soo this resulted in us going home, reluctantly switching to last years design, and figuring out that to, did not work. We tried of course switching bulbs which resulted in me actually getting slightly electrocuted. Yah that's right. I got zapped. My uncle intelligently told me to unplug it. Haha which indeed worked. However despite my best efforts and all the pain I put into changing bulbs the string of lights still refused to twinkle.

Back to Target. Where we bought 31.5 multi-color 2 inch bulbs. Sorry Al Gore, we failed you. But damn does our house look good.

It was the first day of Advent today. Which in catholic world means a purple candle, a prayer, a nice dinner and wine. Yay jesus.

For todays events I have decided this day as well calls for a shit and hit list.

Shit List:
Target
Lowes
Home Depot
Walmart
Getting electrocuted.
Light up deer (they scare me.)
Christmas lights.
Cold hands.
The world "Culvisack" (I doubt that's even spelled correctly.)


Hit list:
Jesus.
Asians in suits.
Rite Aid (oh hillary).
Wine.
Food.
Company.

Insomnia once more

It is yet again 3ish in the morning and I cannot sleep.

I had the strangest dream about my parents. Unsettleing...and sad. Which led me to not wanting to go back to sleep. Thus here I am. Spewing my thoughts via blogger and watching an old basketball game.

There is a number of things running around in my little mind. Good and bad I suppose.

But only one really stands out right now...

If your to busy, just let me know. I'll stop waiting for you to call and expecting you to be there for me.

And I think we'll both be fine.

:(

hello december

"The greatest snow on earth" as Utah has boasted upon their nifty "ski utah" license plates, has finally arrived! Bringing along with it a plastic tree in my living room. Decked out with 3 different strands of lights, more red bulbs than any other color and a star that is missing it's 4:00 twinkle. As much as my stubborn self hates to admit it the decor that has recently been vomited around my house by my bubbly aunt and hillarious uncle has made Christmas a tiny bit easier to bare. As corny as stocking hung over a burning fireplace is, it makes me feel happier. Which isn't all that bad.
Work is going a bit better. Being the new girl always sucks but at least the people are inviting. I think I will enjoy it in the long run. I am, however, completely exahausted. I have not had an actual day off in a while and I don't see one coming up any time in the near future between the two jobs. As a result caffeine in-take has risen significantly, and does not look like it will fall anytime soon. At least I can make one damn good cup of coffee. If all else fails in my life at least that would suffice has a eulogy.
Also, my lack of faith in the human race has fallen to a 70% which is a 10% decrease then what it was before. That's a good thing. Must be the holidays.
Parking ticket guy totally made my day, which would have resulted in a more significant decrease but then the you-scan bitch at Smiths ruined that one for the team. Whore.
Interesting story, I called my mother today I sarcastically spewed out something about dirty laundry and oregon. Which she took incredibly to literally followed by her actually geniunly asking if I was happy in life. Followed by an awkward silence I said, "Yeah mom...I think I am."
It was just so unlike my mother to show some concern. Sure she may feel it but showing her emotions and feeling them are two completely different things to Belinda. I think for the first time in 2 years I felt a motherly feeling from my actual mother. I don't really know of anyone else who would actually tear up because her mom asked her if she was happy, but maybe that's what I needed, and have needed. I know she cares, I'm just proud she can finally show it without hating herself.



I have decided to update my shit and hit lists. I haven't done them in a while so...enjoy:

Shit list:
Christmas
Snow when I'm outside.
Smiths you-scan bitch.
Being the newbie.
Birth-control conversations.

Hit list:
Snow when I'm inside.
Parking ticket man.
Coffee.
Stocking's hung by the chimney with care.
The Hot light.
The smell of Oxy-clean.
Jess the cat. (which is weird)

insomnia

i can't sleep.