tangled in hotel sheets

I'm pretty sure I've gotten into the funk of living one day at a time hoping inside that god, or whomever in my case, desides to hurry and spin the world a little faster so these long days go by faster.

It seems like everyday this week has been the same day. Wake up, take a shower, eat something, go to work, come home, have dinner, veg out, go to sleep. Repeat. I kid you not... like every-single-day. I feel like a zombie.

The thing that scares me the most is that it's probably not going to change. Even as I grow older I will go to school, work, home. Then eventually just work and home. I really can't stand my life to be on a schedule like that and it frightens me that that is what life is all about. Growing up...getting a job...getting married...having kids...retirement...death. I feel that the days are dragging on but the moments go by way to fast.

It seems as though I will be really excited and look forward to things that aren't normal in my everyday routine and then they will happen and be done with and then back to the same ol' same ol'. Well Jesus, I HATE THE SAME OL' SAME OL'! I'm way to random and eccentric to be blue collar, to libral to be a high-up-there buisness person, to feminist to be a stay at home mom, and to high matinance to ever be a dirty hippy.

Where the hell do us weird, undecided people fit in? How can Christine Friedrich just have a normal dayjob and a damn minivan? No no no... I don't like that idea. I want to travel! I want to see the world! I want to be the genius/moderately insane artist who captures controversal pictures! I don't want to be famous, I don't really even want to be rich. I just want to be happy. I can't stand to picture myself growing into a "desperate housewife", sadistic mother, a boring family person who works 9-5 and walks a dog, or even worse...turn out like my family.

Okay, okay so I will admit sometimes I get maternal, and sometimes I jones to be married. I wouldn't mind having a dog to walk, a husband to kiss when he gets home for works, a few mini christine's pop out, and a white picket fence doesn't sound all that bad... but if that has to inevitably happen can it please happen soon? I swear 19 years old is the worst age. You're right in between the hell that is called high school, and the crazyness that is your early twenties. However, in between sucks ass.

I wish I could stop living day-to-day. I want the world to speed up. I want this whole nonesence to be over. I just want to be with him again. OKAY!! I SAID IT! JESUS CHRIST! YOU CAUGHT ME! It's itchin' the back of my mind everyday... it's secretly behind every damn word in this very blog entry. I love Brad. I miss him and I want to be with him. I'm really sick of this long-distance shit. I'm tired of only seeing him days at a time and talking to him via phone. His picture isn't the same, his voice sounds sad, and his shirt doesnt smell like him anymore :( (that was pathetic). There are no glistening tear shit in the world of christine, only mad-crazy wailings. I want to go back to the days where I sat next to him EVERYDAY, we jammed cello's together and everything was fine. I just... dammit...I love him. I love him. You capturing this MUG readers? I love brad and I miss him. WHINE WHINE WHINE. I just want something better to happen. I dont want to watch my young years go by working everyday, motivated by nothing else but little clicks' and caffiene. Waiting and wishing that night would come fast and morning would hurry up so I can be with him.

i miss him. alot.

[UGH.]

P.S. That was a really weird blog entry, I mean not the missing brad part because well that's damn obvious. But the whole spill about my life adding up to something...really...I have no idea where that shit came from, be it true.