the tao of pirates

So things have been incredibly hectic lately. I have two part time jobs, education, and family to worry about. In the midst of it all I have reacted as the norm Christine would; first whine, second cry a bit, third get pissed, and fourth (and my personal favorite) denial aka "hakuna matata."

I've been secretly dwelling the whole idea of doing things the "right" way. I guess to accomplish that I must do what will lead me to the "right" things. Something in me believes that if I do things according to the sense of the right, it'll work out to everyone's advantage. If I do things that try to make the sense of wrong, all kinds of bad shit can result. For starters I could get myself killed or seriously and emotionally damage my future-both very negative incentives that should keep me from screwing up to badly.

Therefor I suppose it is quite obvious I value life. The life I value is one that is connected to all things. The secret to happiness lies in finding those connections. We are roads and rivers, we are paintboxes full of color but are only learning how to use them. We are never as strong as we feel nor as smart as we think. Most of us have to high opinion of ourselves anyway.

This is where my religion quest continues. Tonight in LDS class I learnt from a very smart, though very confusing, man that we should never ignore feelings that may seem irrelivant or even annoying at times. Like for instance, deja vu. We've all felt it right? That tingly sensation that naggs us for a moment in time thats almost scary, the "Whoa.. I've soo been here before, doing this exact thing." moment. Even though we know it is just simply impossible. Well what this man told us is that by opening our hearts in a way we can define deja vu in a more spiritual sense. That God has preordained a plan for us and he's every once in a while letting us know that we are on the right path. That years and years before we were conceived that, that simple moment would indeed happen. Deja vu would somehow let us know, "wow...i'm suppose to be here."

So what is the moral? Open your heart. And let me inform you; Christine Friedrich saying that is like (I apologize in advance for my one-sided view) George Bush saying War is Wrong. Discustingly hypocritical. I realize I am not one to advice anyone. But I do believe if we can open our hearts than we can grow intellectually. With an open heart you will taste the goodness of every crumb, feel the proudness of every winning goal, and feel the pain of every mother who looses her son in war, either from our country of the country they call our enemy. With an open heart we will feel the grace in every falling leaf and taste the life in every drop of rain. The trick is not to be afraid of the beauty or the rain so we can better open our hearts without the fear they will be crushed.

There comes a time in each of our lives when we have the opportunity to reach out and turn the switch that will change darkness to light. All we have to do is slow down, remember who we are and who we would like to be. All we have to do is make those connections to our fellow man and to the world around us. Then we have to reach out and turn on that switch. I can't tell you where the switch is or where you might be able to find it. As I am still in search for mine. I can't guarantee that it will work the first or the second or even the third time that you try it. I just know it's there, waiting for you.

I'm just Christine. I'm not a martyr or a heroine. You would not regonize me if we simply passed each other on the street, nor will anyone publish my thoughts long after I die. I don't know as much as I could, but I do know that if you've come this far with me, then you are my friend.

And I hope that each of us finds our way.